3. good pictures, bad pictures, and all that in between.

while editing some of beckham's 3rd birthday pictures, i began thinking about the demands and expectations i put on myself. kgirl and i have talked about this like 100 times, yet i continually worry about the perfect pic.

before endevoring on an obsession with photography and turning it into a way to make extra cash and meet new people...i had a true hard core love affair with it. yes, i lugged my camera everywhere i went, and while that hardly made me a hot shot photog...it made me a person with a hobby. one that i loved to the point that i literally started feeling like an arm or leg were missing if i accidentally left it home one day, or decided to 'just enjoy' myself without it.

before aperture, iso, shutter speed and white balance. before photoshop, presets, and actions...i just took photos. i didn't care if they were dark, light, green, or blue. i just took 'em and i felt like i was the key keeper of many things so precious and important in the grand scheme of things.

yes, now i tend to look, scrutinize, compare each pixel it seems. i want all photos that hit this here blog to be looked at. 'approved' if you will. it's not that every pic on this blog is amazing or even good...but i will look at it and at the very least, i'll brighten it up.

sometimes, i wont' post anything for days because i don't think it's quality is blog worthy. i mean seriously, what is is that about? i have decided to cut the chains/anchor/whatever that holds me back from posting 'crappy' pics. in this sentence, crappy doesn't mean bad...it means...it may not meet a photographers standards in lighting or composition. it prob won't meet my own expectations...but i have decided that i want to look back in 2o years...and i'm pretty sure my future self would be all like, "dude, you should have posted more of yourself." "girlfriend, i wish i could see one more photo of all you guys in the pool!" pretty sure i won't care what color the picture is or was.

cause mostly, i think true beauty in a picture is simply what the picture in question inspires within you. how it makes you feel in five years. the in between beauty. that stuff that happens that i didn't mean to capture or could never have dreamed i would.

the in between stuff is what makes me smile at my computer after a long day or long shoot. it's what makes me think that a shoot that i thought could have gone better...turns out to be perfectly perfect for me. it's what makes me think i've hit the jackpot. a certain face, smirk, or look. even in it's blurriness where two eyes become one, but what is in focus is the smile. the happy, unposed, 'unleashed,' laugh. in the moment.

it's the in between stuff that rocks my world. the real stuff.

don't catch me wrong...i love me some posed shots at times...especially with little ones looking all editorial and miniboden-ish...that's pretty amazing too.

here a just a few...a sneakity peak of a sneak preview that i will continue in a few days, but i had to get these 'in between' moments in. i just love these little kids to pieces. i had to share some today. this was for christmas, but we rocked out some other shots too.

jenn, these are for you. i know you loved these downtown photos!

one of my personal in between shots...griffy goin' in for a kiss and i snapped it right before he did. i love sophie's sweet face...

more to come on these beautiful babies later.

on to beckham.

my baby turned three on us. i'm not sure how it happened, but it has. this kid has brought so much joy

to us. i just...thank god every single for his sweet disposition (okay, he's been a little mouthy lately, but i'm

sure that will pass, right?).

anyway, he is an amazing little guy. he loves his mama...he's protective and i can't believe that this little

one is so grown up now.

he looks after his sister, protects her from punishment, waits for her to wake up in the morning and when she does,

"PEYTON'S UP!!!!" as runs over to give a kiss.

he wants to be like daddy and his future plans are to be a golfer...or batman, but only if he can carry a sword too!

before those pics...auntie hi-o sent a birthday surprise for beckham. WOW, auntie heather. thanks so much...!!!!!

seriously, beckham LOVES his new drum set. we have about 10 beckham darwish drum show to attend a

day and we love it! with his new guitar to go with it, we have a band forming!!!! can't wait!

here are a few shots from his birthday. these are the pictures that make me smile. make me feel full and happy. the

house was overflowing with family. it was amazing.

i made an italian meal which i just find plain comforting in and of itself. the kids munched on breadsticks...often

running through the kitchen to grab another one for someone else. i loved how they were sneaking them off of the

counter...it was sweet!

these cousins adore each other and i know i have said it before...i could watch them interact together all day long.

it is special to watch them grow up together...

pogo stick that peyton has wanted since she was two, but it's not made for younger than 8, daddy scored at a garage s

sale for 3 bucks!!! her face lit up...

i'm pretty sure gido was stuck holding that thing up all night for the kids....thanks gido!!!!

griff, who is about 6 weeks older than beckham, just had his birthday as well. finally, b and g are acting

like buds. it's sweet to watch. i'm a sap for this stuff tho.

happy birthday, buddy!!!!

kids gather to help beckham open each gift...

we are so grateful for our family in florida!

when she finished entertaining us with her guitar music...kelle even gave us her version of project runway...pregger style!!! she rocked it out as usual...

matt & jenn rockin' out her new do...so european!

our sweet boy. he was so excited to have a party this year. i wouldn't have had one if he hadn't woken up in the middle of the night on

multiple nights to cry and say, "i want a batman party!!!!"

sisters catching up...!

my black light lit bats swinging from the ceiling...it kinda worked.

my fave shot of the night! i think kelle captured this one!!!

case in point...i love these pics for the memories they hold for us. for the times we will sit back and want to get a

little piece of this time back. we are so lucky. with all of life's bumps and hard times...it is wonderful to see the beauty

in such simple things.

sharing a meal with family, finding the joy in taking pictures, noticing how kids eyes light up when they open a gift and

all that's inside is a cup of playdoh...what is it about playdoh anyway. kids love it!!

laughing, sharing, enjoying the company of people we cherish so much. sometimes i complain about working to hard,

this house that refuses to clean itself, the laundry that never ends...

then i remember that these really are the best years of our lives...our babies are young and we get to see life through

their eyes. kids just get it. love learning from my little ones.

something else...what is it about this song that makes me feel like jerry macguire when he finally signs Kushman as a

client??? swear, this song makes me want to move to cali, sport those shorts and listen to a jay-z song...okay, truth be told i bought it on itunes

play it all day on my ipod. mind you, i'm singing it while in my pjs and doing the damn dishes, but hey, everyone should play their

badass song atleast once a day...it does something to ya-makes me want to do the dishes at the very least:)