Monday, February 1, 2010

wanna hear the ocean?

...beckham asks me as he puts a shell to my right ear as i finally sit down to make my first blog post in what feels like a million years. i just love him and his sweetness. he doesn't know that he is making what seems to be a daunting task...a little easier!

yes, much has happened since my last post. life seems different...better.

kelle and i did talk about me posting a little something of what her experience was like through my eyes, and i will, but first, i want to say how much i love these little ones because they have been rock stars and mommy's proud of them.

i thought hard about not including this in my post, but it has to be shared because it is important.

i wrestled with the fact that i had been gone from home for a few days to be at the hospital with kelle and baby nella. it was a decision i didn't think much about...i just did it. i wanted to be there. i was needed at a very special time in my friend's life and i feel blessed and honored to have been able to be there.

for those who know me best, a minor shutdown was to be expected afterward. it's probably not the healthiest way to deal, but it's how i've always done it. thank you for the comments, and messages of kindness...didn't have to send them my way, but it was sweet and appreciated:)

my super generous and understanding husband and children were left to fend for themselves and they did a wonderful job! then, gido and sito stepped in when jeff had to be away too. When i didn't come home the first night, peyton called me to ask when i would be home. no tears, just questions.

i told her that lainey had her baby sister now!!! i told her that i was staying with auntie kelle to help with the baby. more questions. i finished the conversation with something like this; sometimes being good friend means that we help them when they need may mean we can't be at home for a few means we make sacrifices. i'm pretty sure i lost her at 'sacrifices.' besides, 'sacrifices' really isn't the correct word, because it wasn't one to me.

i could have said i needed to stay at the hospital because i couldn't bear to leave my friend who is always with me when i need her. i could have said that my heart hurt so much for kelle, that i would be of no good use to her or her brother anyway. i could have said that i couldn't stop the tears. i could have said that the stream of loving friends in and out of the hospital to support and love their kelle, also selfishly raised me up and i needed it!

what i was trying to say is that sometimes being a good mom doesn't always means spending time with my kids. sometimes it means teaching them a lesson. i hope i showed my kids how to love those friends closest to them, and i hope that one day they will be blessed with the oppurtunity to make 'sacrifices' to love someone else like i had the chance to last week. i know they'll be better for it because i know i am.

these babies of mine, my heart...i just love them more and more each day. and as i had made new year promises of doing more, creating more, being more with them and for them...i really did miss them both.
thank you sito and gido for loving on my babies! we love you both lots.

when kelle delivered nella to the world at 4:24pm last friday, i was there to witness her welcoming.
what an honor and blessing to be in that room on that night with such wonderful
friends celebrating this miracle of bringing new life to the universe.

as with any baby, it was a life changing event. complete with that
weird, surreal feeling...'holy moly, there really was a baby in that belly!'

when nella was handed to her mama, we all cried and laughed. the music played loudly, just the way
kelle wanted it. it was a beautiful moment. that moment turned into hours of discovery, happiness, pain,
friends,generosity, fuzzy time tables, and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.

love and beauty. beauty of a mother and a father meeting and then desperately loving this new baby.
a father loving his child, the new mommy, with prayers and smart, true words. a newly crowned big sister
and a couple of proud handsome brothers. phone calls from siblings in had to be there
to understand what these calls did for kelle. it was...amazing,

and...i'm pretty sure we emptied 3, maybe 4 bottles of champagne in celebration!!! it was a beautiful night.

nella is beautiful and perfect in every way and her extra 'special-ness' has taught me, and i think
just about everyone i know and hundreds of those i don't, big life lessons of love, acceptance,
and the true beauty of the unexpected surprises of life.

the kind of surprises i believe are gifted to those extra special people. the ones we are inspired by.
the ones that make our world a better place in which to live and grow.
a better family could not have been chosen for baby nella bean.

we toasted her birth that night and have not stopped celebrating little nella bean or ice cream, as
our beckham calls her, since.

through countless phone calls, texts, emails, hospital hallway hugs...we all loved a little
more last weekend. it really was like magic.

with joy and an intense protective love that all of us mommy's understand-raw,
primal, vulnerable, kelle and family is providing this sweet little morsel of heaven
and her big sister, one of the luckiest childhoods i can imagine!

i looked over and saw carin enjoying her lunch and clutching hot tub like it were baby funny and i love the pic.

welcome to the world nella cordelia!
i love you, kells. you're to me.

sometimes i like to photograph food. it's how i roll. so on sunday, i hosted a brunch so i could. not really.
we did a little "welcome nella" brunch with friends and enjoyed too many carbs to think about. it was great!

beckham has informed me that he wants a baby now. also, he says he wants to be a big brother. actually, he
thought he was nella's big brother until i regretfully informed him otherwise. he cried and said lainey wasn't
a big sister if he wasn't a big brother. i ADORE this kid!

peyton, on the other hand wants NO part of another baby. like she becomes angry when beckham says he wants

two completely different little souls. equally precious in their own unique personalities. the best of them together
though is how much they depend on one another without even knowing it.

it is one of the gifts that come with this parenting adventure. you get to watch your children love and
learn from one another... share those unique experiences in childhood together that will bond them for life. an unbreakable
bond that parents dream will always be the same, as strong as it is today. it's like a window into our own
childhood and our siblings and what makes us love them through so much.

all of the beautiful chaos... the batman toy that peyton hid from b to 'teach him a lesson'; or peyton's favorite princess dress goes
missing because beckham wants to pretend it is a cape with super powers.
for now, i'll take beckham fighting to cook just about every meal because he LOVES to cook with his mama
and peyton can render my make-up and jewelry box almost useless (okay, maybe not, but it feels better
written out:)

feeling blessed.


Heather Polleti said...

great pictures!! and BEAUTIFUL memories!!! Posh and Becks are adorable and very very missed :( Hope to see you all soon :)

Stephanie said...

Heidi -
Your words and pics are incredible! You are such a great momma & friend!

Your kiddos are so cute!

P.S - thanks for hosting the brunch, it was so nice!

Creative Christine said...

AMAZING!! You are incredible!!! I lost it twice during your post and I am not even at that time of the

I love how you can plant not only a picture in someones mind but also an EXPERIENCE!!!

Thank you for being you!!!

Love ya,


Anna Ruth said...

What amazing words and pictures. You bless so many without knowing it. You are a remarkable friend, mother, wife, and anything else someone needs.

Domestic Diva said...

I'll be back!! So excited for a new post! But now I've gotta wake my babydoll for school ...

TRB Holt said...

Ok my daughter has got to start hanging with new blog peeps! Ones that are not so prolific writers, mothers and people....I am NEVER going to get things done!

So you are the Heidi that Kelle says, "everyone needs a Heidi", I can see why...So nice to meet you!

Bug & Ruby's Gram

Kim D said...


So glad to see a new post, Ally will be excited to read it when she comes home!

The photos of your little ones are so beautiful! You're such an incredible mom and it shows - whether you're at home or helping a friend, I'm certain they know and can feel just how much their mama loves them!

Thank you for being you, our Mrs. Darwish....a special someone to twenty or so little Dinos, one of which continues to learn from your little lessons of love when she stops in to read your incredible words!

dig this chick said...

Kelle was so right on when she said everyone needs a heidi. So happy you all have each other. Lovely photos of an incredible week.

ps thanks for being my messenger! xo

Tisha said...

your photography is amazing, but your loyalty and giving heart are even more amazing.

your post was beautiful, eloquent, and so heartfelt. and your kids are adorable to boot!

Tammy B said...

Heidi, so glad you are back!!! Been missing you. But glad that you are there, helping Kelle. Loving her. Your words are amazing, as are your pics. Wish I was there to brunch with you! Sending love and hugs, give some to Kelle too :)

Domestic Diva said...

I'm back ... FINALLY! I, too, wish I was there to brunch with you!!

And, actually, I'd love to stay and write more, but I'm having a date with my boys (my two little ones, that is) tonight, so my jammies and a movie are calling me :)

Happy weekend, Heidi!

JennyCB said...

I adore you.

Jen Bacarella said...

It is so cold up in Michigan and seeing Peyton run in the waves made me long for the ocean! Heidi you are an amazing person and I am so glad you came into my life...people seemed to be blessed being around you!

Heidi said...

you guys...think i cried on every comment:) THANK you from the bottom of my heart for these uplifting and very sweet thoughts. i loved them so so so much.

trb holt...the pleasure is all mine! so nice to meet you right back!!! those girls in your life...amazing- as are you:)

Brianna said...

Love hearing the nella story from a friend's perspective. What a wonderful friend you must be.

Little Green Pastures

Nicole said...

Ok, so I've popped in here a few times before to admire your photography...and you just left a little hello at my place, so I'm just gonna go ahead an claim you another blogger friend...not to mention try and reserve you for my fantasy "just had a baby" photoshoot..even though we're just tryin' Those Greek Goddess-esque pics you did of!! Gifted, much?!!!