33.

i realize that i am far behind on the documenting in my digital diary or my blog. not that anyone is expecting me to post once a day, week, or year...it is instead the expectation i hold for myself. i find that i am failing miserably at it.

sometimes i find myself without the need or desire to blog or post. at times i am to tired or at a loss for words. nothing i feel passionate enough to write about. i don' t make myself post because if anything else i expect of my writing on here...it needs to be real and from the heart and trying to write from the heart when the heart doesn't want to share is tough. today, i want to post. i am overloaded in pictures and stories to share. i am blessed enough to have a life so full in the last couple of months to not know where to start, so instead shut the computer and say to myself, "tomorrow is the day." i want to post because this is my place, my little corner of the web where what i write is 'published.' i have said many times before that i write this blog for my children. i write it knowing i will have it bound into a book. one day they will read it and know me as i was...when they were younger. a young family making memories, and loving one another desperately in this great big world. i hope what they take away from this diary is that their mommy was a real woman learning and living and growing everyday. making mistakes, making friends, making dinner, making a home.

even though i would like to post peyton's first day of school and my last photo shoot, i have decided to post 33 thoughts/ideas/beliefs/mutterings in honor of my 33rd birthday that just recently passed. i am unusually emotional tonight which i am sure is the warning that in about a week i will be craving chocolate and crying at publix commercials...regardless, i want to write because in this moment i feel so lucky and happy and i want to put it out there so i can look back when i am 34 and remember what a great start to my 33rd year was. i am writing this in the format of the same questionnaire you find in us weekly's 25 things you didn't know about me. i can't help it, i love reading those.

ramblings of a 33 year old...

1. september 18th was my ten year anniversary and i have still can not believe that i am old enough to have been married for ten years. "holy, wt?" loops through my head non-stop!!!:) i am grateful for the ten years that jeff and i have been married. not all marital bliss...but lots of love, learning, and growing have made us the couple we are today. i am proud of us. truly and honestly proud of us.

2. i love my kids more and more every single day. listening to them interact, love, protect, and care for one another is a gift i didn't fully understand until i had two babies.

a couple of weeks ago, while j and i were away on our cruise, my mother-in-law found beckham in bed with his sister. peyton had her arm wrapped around him and they were sleeping. they didn't wake up until morning.

there is something about thinking about my little baby, getting up in the middle of the night and walking through a dark and quiet sleeping house to walk to the room his big sister was staying in, climbing into bed, pulling the covers up, curling up to peyton and going to sleep. i can't stand it. i'm so in love with these kids.

3. i really think my kids adore me...mostly me...and i relish that. they 'like me best.' as immature as that sounds...i don't care. i love it, and don't know what i'll do when they move on to their friends and mtv in the future and i no longer get 1000 kisses a day or 150 random, "i love you, mama!" seriously though, how does one let go of that???!!!!

4. i have learned to love the part of me that is a perfectionist...making it nearly impossible to start a project for fear something better will come along and make my initial work seem like garbage. i know this year i will conquer that and actually choose a paint color. oh, and i really like the smell of paint and dirt.

5. i adore red wine with dinner.

6. jeff is a really good man, regardless how crazy he can make me. lately, i find myself thanking god for such a good man even though sometimes i know i am hard to take. us polleti women are passionate and hot tempered at times...it's the italian in us. thank you baby!

7. i've learned that the extra lines on my face are beautiful...i dont' mind, really i don't. is that weird?

8. gray hair are thicker than regular therefore, i like gray hair!!!:)

9. i dream a lot. i'm a romantic and i love to shop and i'm not an outdoorsy gal. i have fought hard at trying to make jeff think i'm into lots of camping and beach side volleyball...nope, nada, no. i would much prefer to shop, read a book, sit on a swinging porch swing and sip iced tea. he's cool with it, even though he tries to get me to golf every once and awhile:) i'll do it, jeff!

10. i love to be home. i'm a homebody. i love to light candles, turn down the thermostat, make a pot of chili and open the windows, bake something.

11. i love people. i love meeting new people, i love seeing the best in people. not always easy, but so worth it.

12. i really love iced coffee with a sprinkle of cinnamon. dunkin donuts has the best!!! starbucks takes second place.

13.

this girl and her first day at school this year. she is in pre-k 4 and LOVES it! we are so proud of our baby girl.

14. i love how when i get off of an airplane from another place and i walk out of the airport and into the florida air...it hits me...the hot air, the smell of hot grass or mold...not exactly sure, but i have come to love it, the sound of the air conditioning units outside...not at all like michigan. it is comforting. it is a big welcome home sign. it feels comfortable.

15. this treasure, a gift from jeff given to me on our 10th anniversary cruise. he saw me admiring it day after day. i would go and visit it daily. sometimes i would walk down to the promenade deck alone at night...just to try it on again. we decided against exchanging gifts this year since we splurged on the cruise, but i found this on my pillow on our anniversary...

16. my third child. my camera. i use the canon 50d...best purchase i have ever made. the camera doesn't make a photographer, but i am sure i take better pictures now because of this baby!

17. loving my family who love and support me unconditionally. i can't name everyone but to the people i hit up the most for help, kelle...for your constant help and advice and genuine happiness for me in doing what i am loving to do:) heather...for lighting fires...under me. jenn...supportive,calming, ego boosting friend.

i love you guys and to all the friends i love so much. i get so many uplifting emails and messages. thank you.

18. love my house.

19. mc donalds has the BEST freshly brewed unsweetened iced tea...two splenda. i'm addicted.

20. i love the hills and the city (happened to catch the season premiers while writing this). makes me happy to be married with children, but also makes me wish i was a few sizes smaller with an unlimited budget to buy accessories!

21. the ting tings rock my world! i sing this kids song throughout the day...so much that i want to cut my own tongue out...ew gross. sorry, not sure where that came from, but i try not to edit so i had to write it:)

22. i think that all people have good in them. lots and lots of good and love and realness. you may not always see it, but it's there and if you look...you will find it! i hope my children learn this and carry it with them.

23. i wish i could handle stress and pressure a bit better and i'm working on it:)

24. i am killing the clutter in my house and it is the best feeling ever. and it has a snowball effect making me want to go through each room each night with a trash bag!!!

25. i pray so much throughout the day and night that i personally feel like god and i have an understanding...a special relationship, he's got my back, but i am pretty sure everyone feels that way so it makes me laugh:)

26. when out and about...and possibly feeling bored, uninspired...if i look in my purse and find my little canon point and shoot camera...good times just happen because fluffing hair, repainting lipstick, and putting on our best self-portrait poses make us really really happy. these are the last ones jenn and i took and just looking at them make laugh. i have tons more, but of course couldn't find them in my ever growing pile of digital pics.

27. it's my birthday...if i want to dream about the house i would love to live in one day, i will:) i would LOVE LOVE LOVE to live in a craftsman style home. they are so beautiful. the prairie styled ones are my fave and i dream of restoring an old craftsman style home. just looking at pictures make me salivate.

here are some pictures of an enlarged bungalow...craftsman style. built in 1908, but recently restored in 2004! love the history of an old house. i picture leave it to beaver-ish kind of lifestyle..complete with aprons, homecooked meals, fathers smoking their pipes, drinking scotch, family dinners, and things like, "dear, will you please pass the mashed potatoes?" or "mom, may i be excused?" these houses go back further than those dreams i have of the 40's and 50's...but this is normally what i think of.

28. i am so grateful for the time i have been able to spend with my grandma! while i was in michigan over the summer, we had about 5 sleepovers...full of cards, movies, laughs, a few tears...but what's a good sleepover with tears of happiness or a sad movie. special, special lady whom i love so much!

29. my little boy and this little girl. i can not write this list without wanting to constantly speak of my babies. i am just so in love with them. they really do make me want and strive to be a better person. they look up to me...copy what i say, do what i do, believe what i believe for the most part. i'm just smitten and not one single day goes by that i think i am taking them for granted. they are getting so big, so grown up.

peyton is a different child than she was last year. she is so much more nurturing and caring. more responsible. she looks after baby brother in the sweetest ways. i am so proud she is my girl and in our lives because i can't think of a better version her.

earlier she asked me who her mommy was when i was a baby.? i realized that she thought she was alive when i, myself was a baby. i tried to explain it to her, but at the end she said, "so i was your mommy when you were a baby!!!"

love her analytical mind and sweet heart!

beckham is pretending to be a puppy!!!! silly, sweet thing.

30. even if he doesn't know it...i may not say it enough...i love my husband very much and i want to say again how much i appreciate his support of me of all that i do and want to do and am doing. running my own business is amazing but requires lots and lots of support...thank you, baby!

31. i love my kids want to make birthdays special for their daddy...

32. i can't wait to go to michigan next week and feel badly for everyone not going with me. seriously, i'll bring some fall lovin' home though!

33. i love being 33.

33 and 1 for good luck. i hope i didn't miss one cause i'm not going back!!!!

xoxoxo

oh and, happy birthday to sophie-peyton's cousin and closest thing to a sister! 5 years old. it's a big one. we love you sweet girl.